by Jonathan-GB | Jul 9, 2015
Random Acts of Kindness Some years ago I was being trained in NLP as a master as a matter of fact. One of the most powerful aspects of the training turned out to be the concept of doing random acts of kindness. In a way, it was apparently nothing to do with the training itself, as it was expected to happen between the sessions and didn’t necessarily involve the use of any NLP ‘technique’. However it taught me a great deal about the nature of being human and how I could in fact get enormous pleasure from very simple actions, which really had no cost. This in itself is a metaphor of what NLP can do and is for me – a way to make huge differences with very simple interventions; but this isn’t about that… A random act of kindness, is about noticing, noticing where we can make a difference to another human (or creature, in fact). Having noticed the need acting on their behalf, with apparently no self interest. So a couple of examples – paying a compliment, allowing someone out of a busy junction, giving up your seat. Seize the opportunity to experiment with this and in so doing notice how you feel and notice how it feels if someone returns the...
by Jonathan-GB | Jun 2, 2015
“A dammed good listening to” The alternative to a dammed good talking to, which we get all too often!! One of the key challenges anyone faces today in communication is getting listened to. Many people are just so wrapped up with their own environment, their own objectives and their own feelings that they don’t seem to have the time to listen properly. This can lead to problems in our relationships and how we achieve important things together. The key is listening and being listened to… People who feel listened to will tend to value the relationship more greatly. As customers they will be more open to our good services, as staff they will be more inclined to follow our leadership and in other relationships our personal value increases and people will tend to speak more highly of us. All good reasons for you to spend more time and effort listening. Think how you feel when someone does it for you, do you feel more worthwhile and your opinions more valid, even when they are not necessarily agreed with? Do they go up in your estimations? Do you feel more inclined to listen to what they have to say? I believe the answer is yes, and what is that worth? So are you a good listener? Many of us think listening is the other half of talking, you speak I listen, I speak you listen…but the reality may be closer to….we wait to speak, rehearse our response, mentally doodle and more often than not interrupt when we have heard enough. What can we do to improve and become the kind...
by Jonathan-GB | May 20, 2015
P = P – I A Managers Main Job Tim Gallwey, in his books The Inner Game, put forward the formula for performance as P = P – I, where P is Performance, being equal to Potential less (minus) Interference. This has inspired me for many years, as it seems so simple to tap into greater performance just by releasing our potential. However the interference is stubborn and in my opinion is both internal and external. So let’s quickly examine this idea: Internal – the inner voice of doubt, the tonality of critical adults in our childhood and in more recent times telling us – ‘you can’t do that, I bet you’ll mess up if you try, so don’t try etc’. I guess we can all fill in the gaps on this. External – the ‘reasons’ which get in our way, sometimes others who say we can’t or even systems which appear to conspire (“computer says No!” As David Walliams put it). Whichever it is, as a manager I believe it is our job to remove such obstacles from our staffs path to success. In practical terms by recognising how they might be more efficient if certain factors were altered or removed, such as Internet connection failure or stressful work patterns perhaps. Or in the case of our internal gremlins, the power of praise and recognition for targets achieved or encouragement through stretching assignments well delegated. When we focus our attention on Potential before Performance and recognise the interference at play, it may be that we all find a greater benefit than when we focus on Performance Management...
by Jonathan-GB | May 6, 2015
I have just been reading an interview between Daniel Pink and Tom Rath (see below for ref.), both are well know authors and thought leaders and it stimulated me to express a thought of my own. Tom is quoted as saying “I’m increasingly convinced that the “pursuit of happiness” is not only misguided, but potentially damaging. Most people should stop chasing their own happiness today and do something that improves the life of another human being instead”. I disagree. I have so often found that happiness is a decision we take in the moment or in my case, at the beginning of each day. Now maybe I am especially privileged and cannot comment on the misery suffered by many millions, but the simple act of deciding helps me to look out on my situation in an optimistic way, whilst realising that life doesn’t always go my way. By knowing (deciding consciously) that I am happy, it helps me stop chasing happiness and be more content with what I have already and always have had life full of potential. Having said this, I have been drawn to the practice of ‘Random Acts of Kindness’ taught to me by Ian McDermott many years ago and this falls I think into the realm of what Tom is talking about and is so beautifully illustrated in the film ‘Pay it Forward’. When I was asked by Ian, to do random acts of kindness (RAK’s) I discovered the sheer joy I could experience in making a difference to someone else, even a simple act, such as helping two lost German people on a train...
by Jonathan-GB | Apr 21, 2015
I was talking to a group of managers about using a powerful feedback process – referred to as EEC – standing for EXAMPLE, EFFECT and CHANGE. It is powerful because it is simple and quick but it does focus on the negative or critical side of feedback ….so now I add another C (EECc) since the praising message should include a statement of what to CONTINUE to do. And this is where my story begins. Many many years ago I had a boss who was quite ‘prickly’, somewhat aggressive and also defensive. He wasn’t easy to give feedback to and so I often avoided the issue and just ‘sucked it up’ as they say. This didn’t help him or me, but it did avoid a deterioration in our relationship. One day I observed him being really skillfull and I happened to comment, saying that what he had done (Example) really impressed me and I would like to learn from him (Effect) and (Continue). He was embarrassed by the compliment and said ‘I haven’t had praise like that for years’. This set me thinking about his usual style and that perhaps his self esteem wasn’t as robust as he made out, thus criticism was seen as an attack to defend, whereas praise would raise his self esteem. For some weeks after this I was careful to find things to praise and in turn I found I was receiving his praise in return ……but it wasn’t fixing some of the problem behaviours I was experiencing. What to do I wondered? Well I was amazed and delighted when one day he commented...
by Jonathan-GB | Apr 14, 2015
The phrase a difference that makes a difference was used by Gregory Bateson, a leading anthropologist, to define information. My business is transforming managers from being OK to being brilliant, brilliant to work with and for. And the difference that makes the difference are those small ingredients, in terms of knowledge, attitude and behaviour, which when applied by an individual enable an easy transition and fabulous results. Another way to see this difference might be imagining a glass of water – straight from the tap, glistening and fresh – you take a sip. Next to it is a glass of pure spring water, filtered through ancient rocks and bubbling up in a distant mountain range, you take a sip – ahh. There is a difference, chemically a few elements different and yet it is the difference that makes the difference. Another analogy is the nations favourite baked beans compared to ‘own label’ – why do we always pick the nations favourite. Those who do will choose the ones which have the subtle but important flavour differences, because they are worth it. At The Difference we seek out the differences in high performing managers and encourage individuals to choose which ingredients they will add to their management style that will allow them to stand out and accomplish things with and through their...
